DurararaX3! WITCH
by Stella Limegood
Summary: Izaya Orihara is quite possibly the biggest pest in the city maybe even all of Japan? Hated, loathed, the know it all broker is on a mission to obtain the impossible; yet he has no idea that for the past year he's been living with a secretly awake roommate or should we say head? Turns out Celty's not the only supernatural magical entity with problems or with a missing body...!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or DRRR and it's brilliance. My knowledge is limited. In truth I haven't even finished the show yet. I'm actually mid way in DurararaX2 around Season Ten about the sixth episode or so right after Izaya got stabbed, but already my mind is abuzz with fanfic ideas! The possibilities are endless! And I couldn't even wait till I had finished all the episodes to start this little gem! So I'm mostly going on the first season here as canon, and I honestly don't know where I'll be landing when I'm done but hey it's all for fun right!? So characters may occasionally seem very OOC because in reality I'm about the furthest one can get from being a gangster. Second, living in a box as I do, I'm not sure how much I can realistically capture city life! Worth a try!

P.S. I lost my job….-_- Oh shizu-chan….I can relate! Sob.

Prologue:

There was a time when people would have been surprised to know that magical beings exist and that they could through trying dedication be found everyday on every continent. It wouldn't of been easy to find them per say, in some cases like hydras for example, it would have been down right difficult.

However the possibility although slim, was there. Though once upon a time people thought it wasn't, people assumed that magic was a myth, or that it was extinct, which is what made it all the more amazing when someone finally did find a magical entity.

Most likely already dead…

Nowadays though, particularly in the country of Japan in one very special city, nobody would even blink if all of a sudden say? A unicorn just happened to walk down the street. No the citizens of Ikebukuro, have become rather open minded when it comes to the extraordinary or supernatural and who wouldn't? Considering that everyday they see a black rider drive along their streets with strange creepy shadows and a missing _head?_

Oh. She often wears a yellow helmet and that certainly helps, but every now and then the people of the 'town' can't help but get lost in the sight of her. Even the most jaded citizens of the 'town' or the most 'hardened' of heart cannot help the pulse of childlike excitement that grows in their veins as they watch her drive by or ignore the small bits of fear.

 _They can't help the tingle that creeps up their spines that warms their souls with the whisper that maybe just maybe, 'Santa Claus' was real as well as 'the boogeyman'?_

Yes. In the city of Ikebukuro a silent unified awe fills the humans. They are proud and altogether fully accepting of the Dullahan, living amongst them. This heavy yet quiet gratitude that the humans feel for the Dullahan is shared amongst themselves with joy. For despite so many years absent some extent of magic is finally once again being seen by them in the world alive & breathing, & well… alive anyway.

Sigh

Celty Sturluson sure is one lucky gal.

She's also one lucky magical being.

Not all of us were that lucky.

Many of us were shown the damn door, bullied, harassed, harmed, burned, hunted, shackled, and finally murdered.

Celty Sturluson lucky duck that she is doesn't know how kind fate has been to her, and it would be a lie to say she isn't envied.

However, opinions of her tend to vary: the high fairies or the Fae don't really care, they have other more pressing priorities, like keeping the planet safe from comets. (One never knows with _them.)_ The elves are all over the place, some hate her, some love her some just want to 'toy' with her. (It's best not to ask. Believe me you don't want to know the details.) The vampires are just waiting to see how she'll go up in smoke. They think she's lost her damn mind! The werewolves are too busy trying to survive to take much notice and that goes for the imps as well. The goblins are too busy laughing at the whole affair to really focus in on the situation, (not too mention their king has his own mortal/immortal love life drama to sort out, cause apparently his would be bride doesn't care for peaches), anyway the various sea-folk keep arguing from Selkies to Kelpies on whether or not she should be snuffed out before everyone gets caught in a metaphorical _fishnet!_

The _monsters/demons_ are too busy trying too f-up the _angels_ to really get involved, and the _angels_ in turn are too busy trying to f-up the _demons/monsters_. Theirs is a complicated love affair that would take at least a millennia to explain. So let's skip it.

Moving on, as for the other Dullahan's let's just say the word "PANIC" doesn't even _begin_ to scratch the surface! Their whole little society has gone so far underground even undead miners aren't going to find them any time soon. No sir, at least not in ninety years or so. They're gone folks! Out the door and down the road! Forget the car, the cat, the keys, the house, it's sayonara everybody, splits Ville! Adios Amigos! Au Revoir! Arrivederci! Laterz!

Yes.

Celty Sturluson isn't aware of it, because she lost her head; but right now she's under the false assumption that she's the only magical/mythological creature that exists. Or at least she's the only one she's noticed around, and in her state of forgetfulness she's made an interesting choice. She's committed the ultimate taboo. She's decided to live and re-integrate herself in the very center of the human world. Unintentionally, shaking up every other magical/mythological creature's center of gravity, right down to their three clawed toes! With the inevitable thought of, 'What if I could too? Or maybe I don't have to hide anymore?'

Ah yes. The ever-present question in any 'magical beings mind', 'To reveal or not to reveal?'

It's a nuisance that question.

Particularly, if you fall under one key selective category of mythological being, one that has tried quite a few times to 'live peacefully' with 'mankind'.

Sigh.

Well there's no getting around it.

Were witches.

Or well….um..

Sigh.

Okay.

I'm a Witch.

In …fact….I'm the last Witch.

That's right.

Party of one people, I get all the cake to myself..…Ha.

...

..

.

Look I'm not going to explain why I'm all that's left. I wouldn't even know how to start. Let me just say the word _Salem_ and you can take it from there, besides that's not important, and I don't have time to go into my past. What's important right now is that I've found myself in a bit of a bad situation. A real _**head turner**_ if I do say so.

And I'm kinda stuck. Okay…I confess I'm really, really **stuck!**

 **Worse yet, because of these unforeseen troublesome circumstances, not only am I stuck…..but a seriously effed up nutty fruitcake with a wannabe god complex is holding me upside down on his shoulder!**

 **Oh God, Buddha, Jesus, Kami, Vishnu, Goddess I don't care whoever is listening please oh please don't let him catch on to the fact that I'm holding my breath!**

 **And don't let this human jerk drop me!**

 **And while were talking** _ **Higher Powers**_ **let me ask just one thing.**

 **What kind of sick perverted bastard keeps a HEAD in his office to play with!?**

 **Here I thought things couldn't get any worse and now this!**

 **OH GOD NECROPHILIA!**

 **!**

 **Okay.**

Okay.

Easy girl. Calm down. Lets think about this rationally. Now last time you got stuck like this, you landed in that comatose patient named Aimi, and all you had to do was wait it out, and pretend to be her a bit. Tell her parents you love them, chat with the nurses, play amnesia up like it's nobody's business, play dumb etc. etc. This will be a breeze compared to that stunt. After all, here you're just stuck in a head, it's not like your going to be up and walking around anytime soon, HA.

I so got this.

 _Whoosh!_

 **AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T THROW ME UP IN THE AIR AGAIN! OH GOD. OH GOD. OH GOD. DON'T HURL. DON'T HURL.**

 **SHIT!**

 **Lord he's holding me again! OH NO! NO! NO! DON'T TOSS ME! DON'T TOSS ME!**

 _Whoosh!_

 _ **I'M A HEAD! NOT A SOCCER BALL! OHHH! I'M GONNA THROW UP! PRETEND YOU'RE ON A BROOM! PRETEND YOU'RE ON A BROOM!**_

 _Thump._

 _Oh Thank the Higher Powers! It's over!_ I didn't even know it was possible for a head to feel nauseous, this just proves it, either flying is not my forte or I'm seriously out of practice!

Now what's he doing?

"Ah. Namie-san you should have seen how my humans just scuttled around today, although I could have done without the punch from Simon, ah but the fun I had! That's why I love them so much, eh Namie, my humans are so amusing to mess around with, did you see how.." and on and on he droned. For the next two hours straight almost, in which case I learned quite a lot more about this man named _Izaya Orihara_ then I had ever possibly wanted to know or dream of. Truthfully I wish it had been a dream, but hey life doesn't always go according to plan. So instead I found myself listening to these two psychos', all while trying to keep as inhumanely still as possible. If you've ever had an itchy nose this is a bit tough. Being the talkative sort doesn't help much either.

Ahem.

Somehow I seemed to be succeeding or maybe they just weren't paying attention that closely because they didn't realize the head on the table was awake.

Wide awake and growing steadily more and more horrified as the seconds ticked by, _Higher Deities_ above, this _Izaya_ was more messed up then an abstract painting? Not only was he a schemer, a liar, a head -stealing thief (I might particularly note)((if he shrinks me I'm gonna be pissed)), but he's also a manipulative information broker with Yakuza dealings. Yakuza! Like the Mafia! The Mob! The shoot first an ask questions later; drop your bodies in the river! Put you in a bag sort!

After I heard that it all went down hill from there folks.

In the end I decided to put him down as a sort of hybrid love child between the Joker and Lex Luthor. Yeah. That seemed to sum him up quite nicely, I thought.

The woman Namie on the other hand, well I have to admit at first I thought there was some ray of hope of normalcy for Mr. Izaya-san. In truth I was kind of by that point between him constantly petting the head and me being stuck in said head, praying she was his girlfriend. I still am, actually. Because the petting is getting just a little creepy and I really don't know what I'm gonna do if he kisses me. It? Oh god.

.

.

… ***Perverted! Necro.. & %ahgHAH..(SOB)…HAHA&*^%$ !^!**

 **.**

 **.**

Ahem. Excuse me there.

I had a bit of a wee break down.

Back to this Namie? Well it turns out that she's gone down the mad scientist route and has a thing for her brother. I'm not a fan of incest. Just because I'm a witch, doesn't mean I don't know a few scientific facts in regards to genes and healthy offspring. To be blunt, I'm just going to say it, this Namie not's so bad, but you would think an ex-pharmaceutical worker would consider the biological repercussions of wanting to do the 'Big Tango' with her little brother.

Houston honey. We've missed the moon and landed on mars and yes the Martians are here. No we don't have any ray guns on hand.

Seriously.

I'm in trouble.

All I wanted was to find a way to say _thank you_ to _Nakura_ , for listening to me, but I had to get selfish again didn't I? I guess a _witch_ never really learns…

After all apparently were possessive, over-bearing, ' _Evil' Entities…_

 _.._

Ugh. I shouldn't beat myself up too much, Aimi's consciousness was waking up. I couldn't of used her body to thank him in, regardless. Much less …

Could I have. … met him…

..

Ha…gained a friend…

Ha…

Begged for help?

…

? Even if he seemed so understanding.

..

 **.** _Humans_ _ **HATE**_ _Witches._

 _Had he learned the truth. My Astral self probably wouldn't even…_

 _.._

Well crud…now I feel like crying.

S **NAP OUT OF IT GIRL! THE CRAZIES ARE STILL HERE TALKING!**.

Tch. What an idiot I am. First I was stuck in Aimi for five months, then I was trapped in the Internet! The Internet! _Higher Powers_ so much bad porn! My virgin eyes are forever scarred and now this. Trapped in a head. A head.

Take a moment to fully digest that fact.

No body. No arms. No legs. No toes. No fingers. No nothing.

Just a head!

I'm so royally screwed and I don't even have a body to screw!

I mean seriously!?

Seriously!

I'm not even sure how or if I could use my magic in this state? Even if it does work, there's no telling what my spells will do while I'm in this condition! Some spells require very specific hand gestures, there's a proper way to 'twiddle' your fingers when casting! It's not just random wiggling!

How am I supposed to cast ANY of those spells without FINGERS now!

I ask you?

Oh Lord. Now he's laughing like a chimpanzee again…and I just found out.

 **IT'S CELTY STURLUSON! SHITTEN SPELLS! I'M STUCK IN A DULLAHAN'S HEAD! OH MOTHER MEDEA …I SHOULD JUST KISS MY HAT GOODBYE.**

…Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Try to stay calm. They don't know. Nobody EVER has to know! I'll just stay still, quiet and be patient. That's right! When the spell wears off I'll be free again! Then just like always I'll move on to the next body. Yeah. I got this. This is easy. I'm nothing but a quiet frozen head. Calm. Calm. Stretch those Zen skills.

…Hey I just realized?

I guess I should introduce myself?

My name's _Kanra Hisikawa_.

You can just call me Kanra though, if you like.

Pfft. It's not like I could do anything to stop you, well…I could…maybe but right now…I'm just a head.

Worst of all.

 _ **It's NOT EVEN MY OWN HEAD! NOW WHAT'S HE DOING?**_

 _ **OH NO! DON'T TOSS ME! SHIT!**_

 _Whoosh!_

" _Hey Namie! Watch this!" says the Jerk._

 **I'M GONNA HURL.**

 **SERIOUSLY!**

 _ **Durararax3 W.I.T.C.H.!**_

By: Stella Limegood

 **Chapter 1. –Introduction-**

The city of Ikebukuro had been put through the ringer, and it was all because of the _Hot Pot Incident_. Izaya Orihara hadn't been invited and like any maniac that hates to be ignored he did what came naturally. He threw a temper tantrum like a spoiled rotten brat. If she could afford to sigh at the moment she would have, but Kanra Hisikawa had her own issues to sort out. Namely, not being discovered by the humans all-mingling around her in their humdrum day to day lives. Especially Izaya, oh Izaya where to begin with him? Where to even start to explain the scoundrel she had much to her own inner mixed up frustrated turmoil started growing a bit of a soft spot for? Don't misunderstand. She completely agreed with everyone else that he needed a good solid kick in his ass, she would have done it herself if the opportunity ever arose, but that requires feet. Something she had been missing for a few weeks now.

Indeed weeks, now months, going on years.

It was turning into a predicament all right.

After her first initial 'awakening' for lack of a better word, Kanra had patiently waited for her spell to wear itself off, she had gotten stuck before by ' _Astral Projection'_ but eventually her magic always thinned, and the spell would end, thus sending her back into the ' _void_ ' from whence she came. Until once again she had stored up enough power where she could initiate another casting in the 200-400? Struggling year old quest to A. Find her body, (oh the irony) and B. Get her freedom back!

There was also the little matter of saving her life and her species right along with freeing herself from her cold prison, but well…in truth even Kanra would admit she didn't like dwelling on her actual ' _physical'_ circumstances.

No indeed.

The problem of her soul being stuck in a Dullahan's head, was much easier to come to terms with after the initial shock had died down, then the _truth about her real body._

 _It had been so long…centuries had passed.._

 _So was it really so bad that she had become use to disassociating herself from the scenario she was actually physically in over time? Was it wrong that in all honesty she had come to the point where 'body hopping' had become, not only, normal for her but also an expertise if not her new and only 'reality'._

 _She couldn't face the truth anymore, didn't want too, hell she was frightened beyond reason too at this point, so much so that she hadn't technically 'been' back in her own body in…?…._

 _She didn't know. She'd actually lost count of the time…_

 _She only knew she was 'alive' if you could call it that…?_

 _It gave her nightmares….the truth about herself, and she was running away from it, because like a lot of the girls on Aimi's favorite 'depressing' web chat.._

 _She wasn't always certain … of ….her own …self-worth, and she didn't know any longer what to do, whom she could possibly trust or where in fact she 'actually' was._

 _She didn't even know…where to start looking anymore…_

 _All she knew was that she was the only one left, and that her real body was still painfully bound …...and that she was cold…so cold…._

 _So hopelessly wretchedly effing cold!_

 _If she didn't find herself soon…didn't find a way to release herself…_

 _She…..she …would…d…_

 _What if? She already….?_

… _._

…

… _._

 _..Best not to dwell or even think about it._

 _..Why, she was still here right?_

 _That's right!_

…

 _._

Kanra Hisikawa hadn't given up all hope yet, and even though she had gotten use to living vicariously through others, it didn't change her sense of humor or her need to explore, travel, try new things, see movies, read novels, take walks, live life, maybe not through her own hands or feet but well…what else was she suppose to do when stuck in other people?

 _What was wrong with pretending?_

She supposed she could have acted like a real demon, she had been tempted too every now and then. Really if she could make a person walk to the nearest café, it wouldn't be that hard to make them dance like a lunatic while chanting, 'Oooga Booga Booga! Fear Me!'

Actually being a witch, she could do much worse then that, but the first real law of witchcraft was to be careful what you casted. More often then not and many a loose canon witch had been destroyed by their own backfired spell. Just look at what happened to Madam Vim.

One day she was a vivacious chic looking baker giving candies to the kids the next….it was gingerbread Ville. Baked in her own oven, and eaten by those two little neighborhood tykes!

'Ewww. A bad way to go that.'

Just the thought of Vim made Kanra shudder and it was enough to deter her from trying anything too…amusing. Besides she was performing a challenging feat enough as it was just to keep herself alive and her astral self-intact.

More often then not, she had been classified as a person's random split personality showing up or was categorized as a kid going through a phase, she'd only had to deal with holy water being thrown on her twice and incense once. Neither of which did anything whatsoever to her besides getting her temporary body wet or making her sneeze, after the second time she had decided she'd take holy water any day over the incense. So to summarize she had been playing the good little possession and so far not a single human had caught on to what was really going on.

And that was the crux of it.

Kanra wasn't in a human head. She was now in a Dullahan's head, a type of fairies head, and after the first few months she finally figured out that she wasn't getting out of said head anytime soon, if at all. It had taken her a devil of a time to figure out why, and when she finally did she came close to turning her unsuspecting male roommate, one Izaya Orihara, into a toad but lucky for him, she'd been able to catch herself.

' _Izaya',_ she thought as she covertly watched said male continue typing on not one, not two but three computer keyboards, while sipping his tea, like a hacker champ.

The human male had become something of a strange fascination for her that she was still trying to decide on what exactly 'it' was that she specifically felt emotionally towards him? He now held the honorary record for the longest amount of time she had ever spent living with an actual male in close proximity too other then her dear departed barely remembered father, _once upon a time._ (Even if she was just a head). He was also definitely the first human being she had ever grown such conflicted feelings about?

After her 'awakening' in Celty Sturluson's head and her realization that she wouldn't be able to leave, she had gone into what she called 'Secret Agent Spy Mode'. Which was better then the alternative name, 'The Ultimate Stalker Gig,' which is what she came up with after Izaya walked down from his bedroom naked as the day he was born, bold as brass, for the first time, completely oblivious to the show he was giving one blushing, bookcase stuck in a jar of goo, female virgin head!

Good thing she had gotten stuck in the electrical currents of the Internet and seen all that porn before landing in Celty's head. Otherwise she may have blown her cover then & there, by shrieking out indignant profanities galore.

Being in goo by the way was an experience she could have lived her whole life without thank you very much.

She hated the feeling of being in the Goo Jar, so much so that it was easily one of the top five things she had added to her growing list of: The important things Izaya and I have to discuss.

Yuuuup.

Right after she'd introduce herself, Kanra was going to renegotiate with the trickster and declare boundaries on the nudist. Plus she was going to get some stuff around this villain's lair of depravity set straight!

Including the end to throwing her head up in the air like it was a baseball! HEADS ARE NOT BASKETBALLS! SOCCERBALLS! FOOTBALLS! Or…..TENNISBALLS! A HEAD IS NOT A BALL PERIOD!

Kanra had very strong feelings about that one.

Heads were also not toys. Heads should not be left in the blaring sunlight all day without air-conditioning, because sunlight can boil water, and goo can sting eyes. Heads should not be left on hot computer monitors! Heads should not be carried around in duffel bags like their luggage or thrown in the trunk of a car! Heads should also not be left on the floor where someone can come close to 'accidently' stepping on them or sucking them up with the vacuum! Heads should not be put in cookie cabinets! Heads should not be left near fans! Particularly turned on fans, that sucks up hair similar to the vacuum!- Namie! Heads should not be experimented on again-Namie san! Heads are not pillows –Izaya! Heads are not good paperweights either- Izaya! Heads should not be left on the windowsill when your neighbor has a cat- Izaya! It doesn't matter how many floors up you are! Heads do NOT belong in the trash can- Namie! _**Higher Powers**_ **they really don't!** Nor do they belong in a potted plant! Heads should not be left with dusty books all day with spider webs! Heads should not be used as Door Stoppers-Namie! Heads should not be left upside down.- Izaya! Heads should not be carried by their hair, pulling hair really hurts! Damnit! Heads should not be used as a sticky note holder! Heads do not belong in the dishwashing machine!-Namie! **Heads do not belong in the oven either-Namie!** Only Shakespeare or someone practicing Shakespeare should be allowed to talk to a head until 5:00 am in the ruddy morning for nine hours straight-NON-STOP.- Izaya! Heads should not be used to practice your makeup-both Izaya  & Namie. Heads should not be placed in a file cabinet or the bathroom medicine cabinet. Heads should not be kicked across the floor! See complaint 1! Heads should not have coffee spilled on them, or tea! And lastly above all without question:

 **Heads should not be taken into the bathroom for any reason! ! ! ! ! Unless they are with their own bodies-** **Izzzaaayaa!**

…

.

Yes.

Kanra had quite the list to go over with her 'clever' roommate and occasional 'handler'. Just thinking about the _Trashcan Incident_ was enough to boil her over, much the way the _Hot Pot Incident_ was a touchy subject for Izaya. _Higher Deities_ she had been so angry she had given Namie san back pimples for weeks, misfired, backfired spells be damned.

One does not forgive the smell of weeks old garbage & fly ridden banana peels in the face so easily. No sir. Not by a long shot. Such a thing demanded retribution!

Despite everything they had done though, in the most bizarre way, Kanra had over the months grown a strange sick Stock Holm syndrome kind of friendly feeling for her two loonies.

It was rather hard not to, surprisingly? Perhaps it was a little weird, but the fact was the more she learned about the 'detrimental duo', the more time they spent around each other and 'Celty's Head', the longer she observed them, and the more she found herself growing fond of them because well they were…relatable.

Crazy but relatable.

At first glance she had pegged Namie san as a mad scientist with a strange emotion towards her younger brother. After months of observation, Kanra however came to know that Namie was a hard working dedicated young woman in a field that many men would have scorned her for. Similar to how many of her fellow witches had been snuffed out for their outstanding knowledge back in the day. She also didn't have any other female friends, she had a male friend she talked too sometimes on the phone with, and she had a cousin she kept in contact with, she never spoke of her parents? Oddly enough, but that was it.

For Namie her life to Kanra seemed to revolve around work and more work, and when faced with others she tended to shield herself upon instinct, no matter who it was. She guarded herself constantly. In short she was really a very lonely and very frightened individual. Who must have been hurt very deeply in the past and had chosen logic and science to make up for any real affection. Speaking of such, she truly did love her brother, but it had become twisted into something else out of desperation, Seiji was Namie's whole world, because Namie didn't really have anything else in her world to hold onto.

It was sad, and it spoke volumes to Kanra for multiple reasons. She too knew what it was to live in fear of others and she understood the need to be constantly on guard.

Also …not that it was important…but..Kanra didn't really have a world either, not anymore.

Her home no longer existed. It had been _burnt._

Less then that she soberly reflected, she technically didn't even have a _physical_ world anymore.

Heh. Funny.

.

.

In Namie, Kanra came to see her own fear and mind. She didn't always like the other female, she didn't agree with her on everything, and she absolutely hated some of the wacky choices Namie had made!

'Really your brother nearly kills a girl! Then you operate on said girl making her look like the head I'm stuck in, and then stalk crazy couple, who still got together? (Who by the way are bugging the place including the back of my ear, so they can play spy too) and then you try to kill the girl. And Izaya here is what holding you kinda hostage as a secretary? Due to his inside information. . . and oh seriously…I give up…. This is ridiculous!' Kanra had thought wishing she could have let loose her rant but instead had decided on a much-needed nap.

Keeping up with the two of them wasn't easy by any means, especially Izaya.

Ah Izaya.

It always came back to him. Didn't it?

He was a whole other ballpark.

If Namie reminded Kanra of her mind, then Izaya, as cheesy as it sounded was her _glass_ heart.

The guy was lonely. Beyond lonely.

The man was fighting every day just like her to find a reason to exist. Different battles, views and very different situations, heck they weren't even the same species, but none of the details mattered.

When it came right down to it.

He was the loneliest person she had ever known. Save herself, and that was saying something.

He was so lonely and lost that he was bordering that line of grace between genius and insanity with just a thread betwixt the two, and he was suffering.

She had never seen anyone despair privately so much, especially not up close like she had him.

His loneliness was the kind of loneliness that kills, whether it is in a day or over a hundred years, or every second of his life, it kills and he was drowning in it. Sinking, being choked alive by it, and he couldn't even recognize it.

That was the worst part. It truly baffled her, how a man who could con anyone, juggle the Yakuza, a Dullahan, multiple gangs and play God with everybody around him couldn't even see his own inner feelings! It stunned her and thus she came up with her own personal nickname for him 'Rubik Cube', or 'Bik' for short, sometimes when annoyed 'Biz' or 'Izzy', however over the last few months she mostly just called him 'Iz,' because…well, just because.

Speaking of ' _Bik',_ he'd been stabbed last week! STABBED! Kanra wasn't a doctor, but she had been darn good at healing potions and one didn't have to be a genius to figure out that _Bik_ should have stayed in the hospital!

Instead, he was sitting there in his little castle of computer screens, working on his evil machinations as we speak, constantly fidgeting and flinching away while she was stuck on the bookshelf again!

Later she would blame it on boredom, or again Stock Holm Syndrome, or just simple common decent moral compassion, whatever!

All it took was one more flinch, and just a tiny peek of those ruby eyes of his in pain and after months of silence she made her first real slip up.

"Ya know **Iz** , there is this thing called 'Bed Rest', it's usually reserved for people who are oh I don't know STABBED! You should look into it, like yesterday!" she snapped at him irritably, only realizing in utter horror just a second too late that she had spoken aloud in a room so quiet a pin could have been heard!

 **!**

Sharp beautiful ruby cat like eyes grew impossibly wide. Tea was choked upon and briskly spat out over the computer screens, nimble hands shook, as Izaya's head quicker then she could blink, regardless of his little coughing fit, spun to face hers, and then his eyes grew even wider!

He looked like a child who had finally spotted the _Tooth Fairy!_

"Eeep! Shit!" she squeaked! Squeaked like a piece of rubber!

Too fast, he moved far too fast, it was five seconds, five but it was enough, time slowed, somewhere in space stars spun, magic flickered in the sea, Celty's aqua eyes she was borrowing met his bright red ruby ones, their gazes locked onto each other, man to woman, sun to moon, angel to devil, soul to soul, head to head, "You're awake," he whispered awestruck and then the world exploded!

Papers flew in every direction! A vase was sent crashing to the floor, where it shattered! The computers were pushed off the desk in his haste! She watched in mortified terror as he jumped over his desk stitches and all and bounded up the stairs like grease lightening straight to her! His red eyes glittering with exuberant mad excitement!

'OH SHIT! SHIT! CRAP!' was all she had time to think before she shut her eyes tight and played dead like she was shooting for the Oscars!

"YOU'RE AWAKE! YOU'RE AWAKE CELTY-SAN! AHAHAhahaHAHAH! YOU'RE AWAKE! FINALLY!" his voice suddenly broke out in all its beautiful psychotic glory! Then the world tilted and Kanra felt those strong slim fingers of his latch onto her cheeks and run through her hair, as he lifted her up. His face was so close to her own that she could smell the mint tea he had been drinking on his breath, "Now, now, Celty-san don't be shy! After all there's Valhalla to discuss! I mean I saw you! I heard you! YOU'RE AWAKE!? This changes everything and here I was just about to act on the next stages of my plan, when all along your already AWAKE! AHAHAH! Ah! Celty san why don't you say anything? Hey, Celty-san? CELTY-SAN? Ne? Celty? HEY! Hmm? It's too late to close your eyes now. What? Hey?... Hey there? CELTY-SAN? CELTY? HELLO?"

For the next four hours Izaya didn't let her out of his sight. He poked. Prodded, petted, tugged on her hair, (braided her hair?), tickled her nose with a feather, put ice on her forehead, screamed at her to, "Quit Pretending!" and eventually shook her until she felt sick, but Kanra Hisikawa wasn't the last of her kind for no reason and she was getting that Oscar!

Challenge Accepted Pal!

She didn't move not once. It was survival baby!

Eventually Izaya seemed to give up, but Kanra wasn't fooled. The man had moved to clean up his mess and had even pretended to walk out of the room, only to run back in, just to try to catch her peeking out of her eyes!

Heh.

What an amateur.

Who did he think she was? She hadn't been born yesterday.

Suddenly the _Trashcan & Bathroom Incident _felt like training exercises in some bizarre Dojo preparing her for just this specific scenario. Lucky she had earned her Black Belt and was now the new Grand Master at playing the roll of statue, but she had to hand it to Izaya the man was a proper chatterbox. Now that he thought she was awake or was trying to wake her up again, he went on and on and on about Valhalla and how since he was 'Godlike' as he put it, she had to grant him his immortal eternity there.

…After some serious consideration of his application, Kanra decided, that had Valhalla actually existed, then…uh...NO.

NO HE WOULD NOT BE GOING!

Number 1. The guy was a thin ambiguous looking bean sprout of a scarecrow! Yes he was strong, lithe, exotically beautiful, handsome even, plus he clearly could survive getting roughed up a bit, but last time she checked Valhalla was for Conan the Barbarian types and loud bearded men with over compensating axes? It would be like throwing Loki into a heard of Odins & Thors! He would get beaten to a bloody pulp! Or worse with those slender limbs of his & that perky little smile he might be used as a substitute…'valkyrie', like in prison, bunch a horny men and one Izaya could equal many an 'interesting shenanigan'. (She could say this much the Internet had schooled her well if nothing else)…Still maybe, he was into that?

Regardless he lacked a beard!

You can't go into Valhalla without a beard?!

It's just not kosher.

Number 2. There clearly was a little mix-up going on in the humans' knowledge of what actually existed and didn't exist in regards to magical/mythological beings and places. Not surprising truthfully, considering how humanity had hunted all the magical beings down to the point of non-existence thanks to their xenophobia! It made perfect sense as to why they had been left in the dark. No magical being in their right mind, well…until Celty that is, would have even so much as sneezed near a human.

Still she felt the need to teach, because there were a lot of differences between Celtic lore, Nordic Lore & Welsh Lore and heck she was a witch! A WITCH! Sometimes listening to Izaya talk was like listening to someone talk about Merlin & Morgan Le Fay as if they were the same person merged together into a blue-eyed purple people eater. Utter nonsense. When in actuality they had been two very different kinds of magic folk. Morgan had been half fairy for crying out loud, but she was getting off topic.

Number 3. Izaya was as far as Kanra could tell still struggling with just the basics of his humanity. Adding immortality to the mix wasn't going to get him the results he wanted. That would actually probably break him. Most likely he would last the first few decades no sweat but the _loneliness would catch up_ , _it always did._

..She _guaranteed_ that come a thousand years from now he would go _Mad_. Bone breaking, genocidal, homicidal scary _Mad_ , far different then the little chipper ' _fruit bowl'_ he was now.

She wasn't stupid. She knew he had killed people both in person and inadvertently. Hard not too when he placed her right on his desk every other day and lets not forget she had been watching him for at least a year now subsequently. What a terrible day it had been when she had learned the truth of what he had done to so many other females online under the guise of _her, Nakura_! Anger didn't cover what she felt at that 'delightful' discovery. To think he was the reason why she had gotten stuck in the Internet and then stuck here in Celty's head!

She had been so furious at him that week, that she had nearly murdered him & hexed his ass straight to hell!

Lucky for him she considered herself a most generous and forgiving saint. Therefore she would not stoop so low as to murder him, instead she risked stretching her powers and oh look at that his computers all crashed.

Now how did that happen?

What a shame.

Poor Izzy, bizzy, bix.

:-D

In truth finding out that Izaya was _Nakura_ , was perplexing and had caused quite the whirlwind of emotions for Kanra.

In the end it came to being a 'stepping stone' really, perhaps it was even the first revelation about him that had led her towards her little slip up?

It would be a lie to say that after she had cooled down, she hadn't wondered in the back of her mind, "Could I ask him? He's twisted, but his advice… For what price would he help me? What to do?"

Often he caused her to get a migraine, and as the time passed it only got more awkward.

Pretend being married to somebody without the actual marriage part, the love, or the contact and there you have their magnificent blossoming one-sided relationship. Hell she heard all his secrets, phone-calls, conversations, small mutterings, random outbursts, 'private-time' outbursts (Don't ask), she knew all his habits like clockwork, even where he kept his underwear. ( Again don't ask.)

The point is that she knew him and the man liked to talk to himself. She knew him so well, she swore she could even pretend to be him, if she ever got stuck in his body. So she was fully aware he had committed great evil upon others, but as messed up as it was to think, she had lived through enough people and for enough centuries to know that the evil he was now was a far different cry then the evil that could come with granting him immortality when he wasn't ready for it.

Heck even ' _immortal borns' struggled with it. Living forever seemed like a good idea until you, yourself, were stuck in the fishbowl. Then it could become living agony. Forever took a very specific and precious kind of something for a person, particularly a mortal, to gain and to furthermore fulfill._

 _It was like True Love, exceptionally, impossibly rare to find even amongst stars._

Kanra sighed to herself inwardly.

Worthiness aside, it would be a mistake. Izaya's inner problems would not disappear if he got teleported to another dimension. Plus getting to one of those was not so simple. Completely possible sure, absolutely could be done, no question, _Avalon_ unlike Valhalla was very real, except when it comes to dimensional travel it's a very big one-way ticket with no guarantee for you on where the next bus stop is.

Truthfully the only beings Kanra knew that could cross dimensions easily or freely at will were Elves, or High Fae, and the Fae were especially… _inhuman…beyond magic or recognition…forces of nature. Powerful. Dangerous. Deadly. More so then Demons or Angels, or even in some cases Planetary Guardians, because that's what they were in layman's terms, Time's Children._ Izaya meeting a _High Fae_ , was so NOT happening on her watch.

Merlin himself had been turned into a tree thanks to a High Fae for no explainable understandable reason. Kanra was nearly a ghost already and that was bad enough. No way. Hosei!

 _Besides going to Valhalla, heaven, wherever wasn't going to work._ _Not for what she believed Izaya really craved or needed. That would have to happen here._

So yeah Izaya and Valhalla not happening, plus there was…the tiny little fact that …she wasn't _**really**_ Celty Sturluson's head.

She was just a 'body hopping' soul that had gotten stuck _**in**_ Celty's head.

Not a big deal right?

Kanra didn't at the moment have much more time to ponder over these philosophical thoughts as once again, Izaya had lifted her up and judging by the warm breath hitting her face, she could tell he was scrutinizing her with those calculating ruby red eyes of his.

When he finally let out a small half-hearted chuckle and a heavy sigh she had to fight herself to keep from smiling in victory!

"Hmm. My mind must be playing tricks on me, perhaps my body does need more rest, this wound of mine has been pestering me," he said to himself his tone full of disappointment, resentment and irritation, "Hn. Wasted enough time, may as well get some sleep. Tch."

Thus ended her first big slip up with her back in the jar of goo and Izaya in bed. Exactly where he should be. A bittersweet victory if ever there was one, but hey she won!

'Thank you. Thank you,' she imagined herself saying to the Hollywood lights.

If she had her legs she would have done a little shuffle step of joy.

C'est la vie.

For the next three days, it was back to business as usual. She got tossed around the room like a hacky sack, while Izaya went back to his wicked schemes and Namie filed papers.

Still a little wary Kanra kept her eyes closed practically 24/7 and it turned out to be for good reason, because despite having come to accept that his pain had caused him to hallucinate, 'Bix' had been hanging around her like a hawk.

He kept fiddling with her hair, as if he were trying to find some sort of on switch for her.

He did manage to find the bug behind her ear, and boy was that an enlightening conversation he had with Namie about Seiji's girlfriend.

Then the fourth day since her little outburst came, and Kanra slipped up for the second time!

Except unlike the first one, this round Namie was present.

Everything had been going smooth, it was just another day being a head on a desk and Kanra may have even gotten a little too confident after having thwarted, "Mr. Omnipotent" and maybe a little overly smug, but she couldn't of helped it.

Getting one on old Orihara was an achievement worthy of a Noble Prize. As far as she and apparently half of Ikebukuro were concerned.

Yet her comeuppance came swiftly, cause here's what happened next.

Every now and then, Iz orders Namie to make dinner for them. Male chauvinist that he is on occasion, and Nami much to Kanra's amusement usually complies, without any complaints, even though she hates him? And much to Kanra and even Iz's surprise she's a pretty talented chef. In fact Kanra would have loved to take Namie on as a potion assistant, if circumstances had been otherwise but things being what they were, she decided to simply reserve a spot for the other female. Should she ever finally free herself & find out where the hell her own actual body is!

Moving on, Izaya was in a rather foul mood, and she couldn't tell exactly what it was about but between his mumblings of "Shizu-chan" and Yodo..gi.(something) and Shiki well it didn't take much to connect the dots.

Suddenly he snapped, "Namie take Celty's head with you. I need a break from seeing it and make us some noodles. Go light on the sauce this time."

Namie sighed before getting up from her filing with a simple, "Fine."

So it was that Kanra was against her will carried by Namie san into the kitchen.

Now there had been many an unwelcome event come to pass whenever Name had carried Kanra into the kitchen over the last year, there was for example: _The Trashcan Incident, the Sauce in Her Hair Incident and the Getting Knocked Into the Bubbly Soggy Sink Affair._

 _Lets not even mention the Oven or the Dishwashing Machine._

(Really don't ask.)

So Kanra was, understandably, feeling a bit high strung as Namie once again brought her into the 'torture chamber' where humans liked to prepare food.

Things started out okay, but Kanra couldn't help sneaking looks every chance she could, as well as a little 'Head wiggle' in an attempt to better gauge all of her surroundings particularly where the knives were located!

Namie for her part was grumbling a little to herself, but had turned on the T.V as she was wont to do while she cooked much to Kanra's fretful annoyance, and had started boiling the noodles. Before turning around and then the day plummeted, without even looking, Namie moved. So instead of grabbing the bowl next to her, Namie distracted by the T.V. grabbed Kanra instead, who struggled not to hyperventilate as bad memories assaulted her the closer they got to the fridge. Where there lied awaiting her a land of frozen peas and _ice!_

Mild panic turned into shear dread.

' _Cold. She was already so cold',_ thought Kanra almost instinctually, before suddenly there was a horrible flash of a memory in her mind of lots & lots of _sharp painful ice_ and her 'spy bubble' permanently burst.

" **NAMIE SAN DON'T YOU DARE PUT ME IN THAT FRIDGE!** _ **DON'T YOU DARE!"**_ she screamed at the top of her lungs as loud as she could.

 **!**

3…2…1..

"AHHHHHH!" screamed Namie as she tossed Kanra in the air and out of her hands, "OHHHHSHHIITTT!AAHHHH!" screamed Kanra right back as she flew across the room like a Japanese head demon of old! Shrieking all the way before beginning a terrifying plummet towards, you guessed it, the trashcan.

"OOOHHHHNOOOOOooooo! NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! **NOT AGAINNN!"** she wailed miserably before her face met last weeks cheese or was it ravioli. Who knows. The smell was baaaaddd! "OH GOD! NAMIE! NAMIE YOU IDIOT GET ME OUT OF HERE! OH I'M GOING TO THROW UP! NAMIE! NAMIE! HELP SOMEBODY! BIX! IZ! IZAYA! IZAAAAYAAA!" Then a big whiff of the stench hit and a hundred miles away, Celty felt her stomach go nauseous while Kanra did the puking.

Namie was in so much shock she'd collapsed onto the floor, her legs as wobbly as the noodles that were boiling over the side of the stove, the ladle for the sauce had been knocked over, the kitchen was a mess and as her own screams died, she couldn't do anything but stare in disbelief at the loud female voice sobbing/shouting/ and gagging from the head in the trashcan, "It's! It's talking! It! You! You! YOU KNOW MY NAME!?"

" **NAMIE pppl..** hic…gag…puke..sob…hic.. **PLLLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!"** begged Kanra, 'Forget keeping her mouth shut it wasn't worth this! Nothing was worse this! She was going to die in her own throw up!' she thought.

When suddenly, like some swooping angel a familiar pair of soft slightly calloused trembling male hands & nimble fingers gently picked her up, thilthy weeks old rice, puke on her nose, tears down her eyes and all.

She was lifted up above his head, turned right side up and once again her eyes met wide glittering ruby red ones.

"I didn't imagine it. I was right.. You're awake!" whispered Izaya softly until it turned into a hearty loud laugh of wonder, "HA. HA. YOU'RE AWAKE! YOU'RE AWAKE! Why? YOU EVEN KNOW OUR NAMES! HAH! YOU EVEN KNOW MY NAME!" he crowed before he brought her right up against his chest, facing outward, turning them as one to face a pale faced and now equally curious awestruck Namie, "LOOK! LOOK NAMIE CHAN! SHE'S AWAKE! CELTY CHAN'S AWAKE! Hah! Oh my and you threw her into the trash. Shame on you Namie san," teased Izaya merrily, before he was suddenly startled as Kanra much to her future embarrassment, overloaded by stress and plagued by foul smell let out in a loud epically dramatic sob the way only a nice young lady can, " _ **I DON'T WANT TO GO IN THE FRIDGE! I SMELL LIKE OLD CHEESE AND I DON'T WANNA SMELL LIKE PUKE & CHEESE! SOB. SOB. AND I DON'T WANNA GO IN THE FRIDGE OR THE GOO JAR! I'M COVERED IN PUKE! SOB! AND NOW I SMELL LIKE CHEESE! SOB. I DON'T WANNA GO IN THE FRIDGE! I..ZA..YA!"**_

And that was it.

That was their first initial introduction to each other.

That was how they met.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((^-^) End of Ch. 1.-


	2. Chapter 2- The Deal

Disclaimer: Again I don't own Durarara, nor have I finished the second series, I've only seen up through DurararaX2 ten. So this is mostly based off of the canon for the First 24-episode season and the season titled Shou, (I believe) my story deviates and becomes an A.U. or Alternative Universe after the episode where Izaya was stabbed & left the hospital.

However, I don't own anything save my original character Kanra Hisikawa.

P.S. Don't take this fic too seriously, this one's really just for laughs!

And it's on to chapter 2.

 **Chapter 2- The Deal –**

Namie Yagiri was much to her amazement, amused. She didn't know why? It didn't make any sense for her to be so inexplicably unscientifically …happy, delighted, enthralled? She couldn't decide. However, whatever this warm tingling feeling was, she just couldn't help it, she was also if she were being completely honest, somewhere between terrified & rapidly growing more & more intrigued by the second, because the HEAD was TALKING!

Really talking, and shouting, screaming, even crying for Kami's sake!?

A majority of her entire life she had stared at that head, and not once. Not a single day spent with it had it ever spoken, or so much as breathed a bit more heavily, now..now it wouldn't shut up!

It was like somebody had flipped a switch and it had so much personality!

Not only was the head talking, it was also completely mobile! Facial muscles were twitching accordingly, the eyes were functioning at an optimal rate, even the ears seem to be wiggling a little!

And then there was the voice! For some reason she had always expected the Dullahan's voice to sound mystical, or unnatural, otherworldly, maybe even divine, but apparently she'd been way off the mark!

Instead it sounded so…average? If there had been a body to go along with the head, then Namie would have sworn that it, she? It? Was just another normal young woman like herself?

This wasn't a bad thing, and it's not that the voice was unpleasant it just ..wasn't well….and she hated using the word….but… it wasn't _magical!_

Oh the talking head without a body part was supernatural no question there; but the voice was so…so….

" **I'VE GOT CHEESE IN MY HAIR!(Hiccup..Sob..Hiccup)"** it wailed.

…hilarious.

Namie couldn't help it! Between her usually cool collected devil of a boss's rapidly growing more and more alarmed facial expression and quite the reasonable complaint from the talking head, she lost it!

"Hahahhahahha!" laughed Namie as her sides squeezed in long overdue mirth. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed like this, it had been ages, but it was just so funny!

All these years, all her life, and what does it say?

" **UGH! I SMELL LIKE BAAAD CHEESE! THE SMELL! Ewww! (wimper) WAHHH! AHH…GET IT OFF ME! I'M GONNA THROW UP!"**

"WHAT!?" yelped the 'Oh so powerful' information broker holding it.

Oh. Oh this was rich. This was fantastic!

Namie couldn't help it, laughter cascaded out of her like a rapid river, she was rolling on the floor so overcome with mirth, and it was glorious! His face! Izaya's face! She needed a camera, for once in her life she needed a damn camera! Was it her birthday already?

She would never doubt wishing at a shrine again!

"Namie-san. Stop that immediately! Can't you see how distressed poor Celty-san is!?" Izaya tried to order, his usually smooth voice a bit 'ruffled', as his collected facade finally took a break from being so smug. 'What a beautiful sight,' she thought as she watched his face contort from the scowl he was trying to give her, to the real panic he had to be experiencing, making his efforts to intimidate her null.

" **UWAHHHHH (SOB)PUUUKE'S IN MY HAIR!"** wailed the head loudly enough for the whole city to hear. Wiggling in Izaya's hands as it trembled from its terrible sobs, the noise just starting to grate on Namie's ears, but not enough to keep her from another bout of guffaws.

While Izaya on the other hand, looking a tad flustered at the situation and closer within range of the head, seemed to come to a conclusion about something. Namie was able too, despite the tears in her own eyes forming, watch as the man's maroon red eyes grew contemplative over the crying quivering head in his hands. One dark elegant eyebrow arched, before he calmly closed said eyes nodded his own head to himself, and in determined strides left the kitchen with the now fully awake & upset wailing head under arm all the way along with him.

Namie slowly tried to regain control of her giggles, before she got up & proceeded to follow.

"Their, their Celty san. It's easy to..," began Izaya.

" **I WAS IN THE TRASHCAN! AGAIN!"** interrupted the head angrily.

"understand, why that would be upsetting..," continued Izaya.

" **HOW WOULD YOU KNOW! DO YOU SMELL LIKE OLD EGGS!"** it shouted.

"Now really Celty san. Don't you think your behaving a…" began Izaya with a slightly irritated twitch.

" **DON'T YOU DARE LECTURE ME ON BEHAVIOUR! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU GODDAMN NUDIST!"**

 **!**

Namie lost it!

Oh, oh where was her cell phone? Pictures! She had to get pictures!

"WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" shouted/squeaked Izaya right back as he stumbled on the stairs in absolute shock, his hands shaking as he nearly dropped the still weeping head. "Celty san! How do you know that!?" he demanded, his face turning a crimson shade of blushing virgin red that sent Namie to the floor for a third round on the silly train. Her chuckles coming in waves, 'Oh thank you Karma! You do exist!' she thought happily.

" **YOU'RE A PERVERTED NUDY WHO TALKS TOO MUCH! AND YOU'RE …YOU'RE… CHEEESSEE! I SMELL LIKE VOMIT! (hiccup) (hiccup)WAAHH! MY NOSE! UUWWAAAH!"** cried the head in answer.

Speechless.

Priceless.

Poetic Justice at long last!

'Hail the Universe!' " _Praise the Sun!"*_ Thought Namie with ecstatic glee!

Christmas had come early!

For Izaya Orihara was finally struck speechless!

His face absolute total cherry colored mortification! So stunned was he that he didn't so much as flinch as Namie for reasons she couldn't explain or understand at the time, call it her 'big sister' instinct kicking in, walked up to where the informant sat on his rear-end on the stairs, and proceeded to pluck the thing from his hands to carry it herself. As Izaya still with the shade of a rose petal stared stupefied at the blubbering head.

Still chuckling, unaware of how she was gently smiling down at the unhappy head, she continued on, what she assumed to be Izaya's trek to his personal bathroom, "My. My. What a surprise you turned out to be? Eh? Now..now don't cry. Hush. There, there." She spoke kindly to it, completely ignorant of how her voice took on a rather soft motherly tone that was actually working wonders on getting the head to calm down.

It's loud cries transitioning to littler sniffles & hiccups, as they reached their destination. Namie still on something of a high from her laughing fit, didn't even realize when she started to hum an old melody she had used on her brother to sooth him while growing up, as she quickly put the stopper in and began filling the bathroom sink. She then very delicately put the sniffling head on the bathroom counter as she turned to find the shampoo?

Only to face her boss, already holding the product out for her? It seemed Izaya had somehow managed to get back up and silently follow them up the stairs? Briefly she noticed the lingering slightly tinted pink expression on his face, and that he couldn't seem to stop staring at the head. His eyes were wide and still largely in shock with a flicker of something she couldn't exactly place when those maroon ruby orbs shifted to hers and like ' _magic'_ it was gone, whatever ' _the look'_ was, he then pushed the shampoo bottle into her hand and pointed to the soap.

"I'll fetch a towel," he murmured before walking away his expression shifting once again into a muddled one. 'Interesting?' she mused. She was tempted to 'poke' and question him, but a fit of coughing drew her attention back to what mattered.

The head.

"..Mmm..my hair.." it whimpered pathetically, it's face dare she admit it looking utterly adorable. To think she had actually grown afraid of this thing? To think she had been so worried?

"Hush now," she said softly, as she checked the water temperature, the sink was almost finished filling. In the mean time she decided to pull whatever large chunks of food off of the head that she could get first when suddenly it glanced up at her with a teary eyed friendly little look and said, "T..t…hank you…(hic)…(sniff)… Namie-san."

"Your welcome," replied Namie back on near autopilot as she finished removing the last of the large chunks, "Hmm. Well now, the good news is so far nothing seems to be sticking like gum, so after we get you all washed up your hair will be good as new, I expect."

"Oh..(sniff)..Thank the _Higher Powers!"_ replied the head perking up a bit.

"The _Higher Powers?_ " inquired Namie as Izaya returned with two towels in his arms, his expression unreadable again as he stood to Namie's left, his eyes constantly observing their interaction as he took in the scene.

"…Ya…know…the Gods, Buddha, Jesus, etc. etc. _The Higher Powers_ " answered Celty's head calmly as the hiccups finally disappeared, 'Fascinating', thought Namie as she began to wash it's ears.

"So then there **are** multiple Gods out there? Dictating all of our lives?" she asked pausing in her movements as she glanced at Izaya from the corner of her eyes. He looked completely frozen. A statue couldn't have been stiffer. His body wound tight like a spring as if he were about to fight with Shizuo, his crimson eyes dead set centered on the talking head so strongly that Namie wondered if he had forgotten how to blink?

She would have noted more observations on him but was torn away as the head began speaking again, it's voice starting to sound chipper & growing steadily less upset & more excited by the seconds, "No. Well. It's kinda hard to explain to ' _humans'_ I think. Hmm. Let's see, ('Creator for Dummies terms?)((It mumbled)) as far as I know IT'S really only one entity. However, were talking about the **Creator of Everything** here and to be honest none of us, even us ' _Immortal Born'_ or ' _Magical Beings'_ know exactly how IT works or what per chance IT is. IT could have a thousand forms or a million names! Or IT could have none. Many have speculated that ' _we_ ' aren't supposed to know because if we did the Balance between Time & Space could be at risk. Hmm.."

'Good Lord,' thought Namie absently as she tried to keep up with it, 'Another talker, and It's not even taking a breath?!'

"However, it is known in certain circles and has been speculated that there are certain species out there that have been ' _gifted'_ with detailed knowledge of the **Creator of Everything**. Although, approaching any of them would be extremely dangerous. I mean seriously D. A. N. G. E.R. O. U. S! So don't even think about it Izaya! (By the way staring is rude, ya know.) 'Ti _me's Children', Grand Angels, High Daemons Quantum Space Dragons or Holy High Dragons_ as they are sometimes called _,_ heck what am I saying?! Plain _Dragons_ are soooo NOT worth waking up. First of all they only like to talk in rhyme or say Gold or will Rawr excessively at you, and by the time you actually get an answer, three weeks will have passed. Second if they're hungry! Woo boy! I hope you two know how to 'book it' cause it'll be 'fried asses on the menu or a serving of 'Namie A la Carte' and 'Izaya Fondue Everybody!' take out for one! Did I mention Dragons eat other magical beings and absorb it! Yeah. So I'm nipping this idea in the bud. This ain't happening. I'm not helping either one of you wake one of ' _THEM_ ' up. Hell no. You two are just gonna have to settle like everybody else in the universe and go with a name you prefer like me. I use _Higher Powers_ , because it is in fact a higher power then anything else, and since I don't know exactly what IT is or what IT prefers I feel like by keeping it open I have a better chance of getting IT right. Now, is that shampoo for me, cause I really don't feel like smelling bad anymore," finished the head fully animated now, doing little cheery wiggles, and eyeing the water in the sink happily, as it made a tiny little 'head' hop towards her bath.

…..

.

.

 _Times Children_?

 _Dragons_?!

 _Immortal Born_?

 _Grand Angels?_

 _High Daemons?_

 _Holy High QUANTAM SPACE Dragons_?!

 _Magical Beings!_

…

.

.

What?

What on Earth did any of that mean?!

Had she woken up in the Twilight Zone?

Suddenly Namie felt like a blasted anime character! 'Dragons? Real Dragons?' her logical mind spun, she shouldn't be surprised, she was in the middle of helping to wash a talking head for goodness sake! Finding out about other magical mythological creatures, even one's she had never heard of, existing should not surprise her!

So why did she feel like, all her knowledge, everything she thought she knew about the world she lived in had just come crashing down leaving her to face a reality where she? What she had been taught from day one was all …wrong or skewed?

Also…why did the head…seem so …familiar with her? Come to think of it? Why did the head say she wouldn't help her or Izaya wake, 'them' up? As if the head suspected that they would….wait?!

Did?

Just how long had this head been awake!?

Putting that thought in the back of her mind for later, she watched as the head made another little 'neck wiggle' hop towards the sink, it's upset demeanor now gone & replaced with a cheery cute upbeat little attitude. Acting completely nonchalant in it's little mannerisms as if this was all normal! Completely normal!

"Hey Nami-chan could you please pick me up and put me in the sink now? I gotta get this gunk offa me! Oh, and hey ya doing okay over there **Izz**?"

Namie flinched a bit at the nickname.

She had completely forgotten Izaya was still present, she turned to find him with his arms crossed and his head slightly tilted his expression still entirely unreadable. Namie had to admit she could understand his reasons for wearing such a strong mask over his thoughts right now, she too was feeling a little out of her depth.

"Um…Iz? Oi Izzy? Biz? Hey. Uh oh. Dear me I think I broke his brain. (Sigh) Namie chan ya better slap him. Make sure it's a good one. I think he's gone catatonic," suggested the head seeming quite serious.

"What!?" squawked Namie a little taken aback by the heads request, while deep down her heart wanted to do loop de loops. Again what a surprise? She and this head might really get along, "With pleasure," said Namie as she turned towards Izaya palm at the ready.

"Try it and you're fired," he finally spoke, deflating Namie's happy 'balloon' in a second before he mumbled a little to himself, then it came. The hated smirk. The 'Bastard Smirk', as she liked to call it, the one he showed only when he knew he had the upper hand. 'Drat' she thought before next thing she knew she was shoved to the side as he grabbed the shampoo bottle and began lathering up his own hands with it, " **Izz** eh and what else did you call me, ' **Biz**?', ' **Izzy** '? Well I do believe you're the first to ever bequeath me with such a variety of nicknames, I think I'm flattered Celty san."

He spoke in those persuasive tones he used on all his clients, or as he liked to call them his, ' _precious humans,'_ his eye lashes fluttering coyly, as he began to lay on the charm, although much to Namie's delight the head didn't seem to be falling for any of it. In fact judging by it's narrowed eyelids and furrowed brow it appeared less then impressed with Mr. Orihara's attempt at charisma.

'Fantastic!' thought Namie as Izaya's eyebrow twitched. Apparently he was noticing this new fun fact about the head as well, 'This just keeps getting better' thought Namie smugly.

Kami this was great!

She just couldn't get over it, if only the head had woken up sooner, maybe she could have had a real friend growing up other than her beloved Seiji….

'Seiji' she thought.

'SEIJI!'

Like a rock being thrown out the window, all her good feelings on the situation at hand plummeted to the ground, and dug deep into the earth. Suddenly she felt dizzy, nay sick? What was this horrible sensation tearing into her chest? 'Oh god,' she thought her eyes going back to the head.

The TALKING HEAD!

THE VERY ALIVE HEAD!

ALIVE.

Namie's mind _froze_. She felt the urge to wrap her arms as tight as she could around herself, as a cold dark feeling penetrated the very deepest places of her own insecurity! Suddenly, she was transported back in time, back to that terrible day in her Uncle's study, reliving that cruel moment when the most precious person in all her world became. . . _**BEWITCHED**_. . by that 'sleeping head' now 'talking head'!

'Oh god,' she thought as her mind reeled at how foolish she had been!

The floor could have swallowed her whole for how fast she felt her heart plummeting.

School chums, female classmates, female teachers, the girl that had lived next door, co-workers, girls her own age, young, old, hell even hookers, other woman in general had always been a source of fear for her because any and all of them could win her Seiji's heart and take him away from her! All it would take is one! One spark and he would be gone! That was why she didn't have any female friends. Suppose one came over often enough and met her brother and they 'clicked' or if he came to visit her at work and the secretary was hot!? She had deliberately chosen a more male oriented field so that, 'that' would never happen! She had thought it all too risky, avoided so many things. Kept him as close as possible. Shunned her fellow females as much as she could. Other woman were dangerous enough and it hadn't of mattered.

Every single choice in her life, choosing her career, the surgery on that 'wretch' who was flaunting herself at her brother this very moment, her own lack of friends, none of it mattered!

They were nothing! All the other women in the world were nothing!

She had been so stupid.

"Ne, Celty-san make sure you keep your eyes closed now. Wouldn't want to get any suds in those pretty orbs of yours," went Izaya's smooth voice from the other end of the galaxy.

"Hm. Okay!" chirped a sickenely _sweet_ new hell on Earth.

'I'm so dumb,' thought Namie as her heart felt like it was shattering.

'How? Why did I never realize until this very moment?' thought Namie as her eyes took in the fully animated ' _wonder'_ before her, while her heart felt like it was being crushed alive, 'WHO THE REAL COMPETITION WAS!?'

The head was alive, talking, humming even breathing!

Seiji's object of complete adoration was awake.

"Ha he haa ha he AH! That tickles Iz!"

"Oh! What's this? Is Celty-san ticklish under her ear?"

"Ah! Hahahe Oi! Stop it Iz! Hahaha! I'm gonna swallow soap! Hahah!"

"Heh. Hehe," came the soft involuntary chuckles of her boss, his hands gently entangled in the head's, no, _her_ luscious redhair. His demeanor unconsciously shifting from the rigid tension he usually displayed to a more relaxed posture. His body language softening and opening right before a horrified Namie as she realized that even Izaya, cold, calculative, manipulative bastard Izaya Orihara was submitting and falling fast to the head's seductive powers!

'Oh god!' thought Namie, 'Even I thought she was CUTE!'

Well….F. . &…*8.

She had to leave.

She had to leave this room right now.

Battle plans had to be made!

Steps to be taken, but first she had to escape.

Things would get ugly fast if she didn't, and she couldn't afford to lose her job just yet.

No.

No, she couldn't afford to lose this job at all! It was vital that she now keep this job! Keep the enemy close and under watchful eyes at all times!

"…Well, it only takes one of us to wash your hair, I'm going back to the kitchen to make us dinner," said Namie as she turned tail and fled in a hasty retreat.

'This is just starting!' she thought as she ran down the stairs.

At last her enemy had appeared catching her off guard with her cute little adorable expressions, nearly enchanting her into thinking they could be friends! Oh her foe was a sneaky one!

'EVIL INCARNATE!' thought Namie as she entered the kitchen, 'The perfect disguise! Innocent and sweet then like a spider once her prey is caught chomp! Seiji may as well be a fly pinned to a wall!' At that thought Namie picked up the fallen ladle down and decided one thing. That as she stewed sauce she would brew war!

The enemy was cunning, and judging by the giggling she was hearing and Izaya's rejuvenated merry chatter echoing throughout the apartment, also a power-house when it came to seducing men! She had watched her Uncle waste his life away staring at that thing and then it hadn't even said a word! She had worked with Shinra & at least five other scientists who had all fallen for the head or it's body in some way!

'Maybe it's part Siren? Why not?' she thought, 'Apparently every other mythological creature possibly exists, if it's words can be trusted!'

Namie Yagiri didn't have a boyfriend, never had, probably never would, but that wasn't important.

What was important was that if she had; then as a loving girlfriend, she woulda told her boyfriend to start packing & leave the city pronto for his own free will!

Yes like military commanders of old Namie swung her soup ladle in distressed authority, as she plowed her way through cooking supper, sparing non and taking no metaphorical prisoners as onions were diced to smithereens! Her mind raced with one thought, 'How does one kill or get rid of a 'Talking Head?' While keeping their job with the wretched boss who is obsessed with said head?'

"Namie make us some tea will you," came Orihara's voice from the living room, confident as ever, the blind daft fool!

It had only been for a second hell, not even that, just a moment, but she had seen it all right! Izaya Orihara had looked at that head with the same love struck expression as her brother, thus he was a goner.

"Namie make sure to use the leaves I bought yesterday," ordered Izaya.

Tea.

Namie wasn't an expert on American history but in that second she finally felt like she could fully empathize with those rebels during the Boston Tea Party.

"Make sure to make enough for all three of us now," ordered Izaya.

Sure.

Why not?

After all, poison was such a cliché, and the head was ' _magical_ ', maybe she should do some research first. Can't have a sloppy assassination. Oh no. Not this time. Had she learned nothing from the past few months? She was working for the jerk in the other room due to blackmail because last time her schemes had been messy. This was an even more dangerous situation with unknown mystical variables. Yes. Tonight she would stay up & work her brains out on research at the public library. Then she would carefully plan out her steps and tomorrow….she'd go **HEAD HUNTING!**

Namie grinned and oh look a packet of Earl Grey was in the cabinet. Her favorite. A positive omen, " _'Higher Powers'_ be thanked," she said maliciously.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((XD)))))))))

"So you wanna go to Valhalla?"

"Indeed Celty-san."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite."

"Are you absolutely positive?"

"Yes."

"100% no take backs, feet first, jump in ready freddy certain?"

"…Yes. Without a doubt."

"Riggghhhttt…" a female voice slurred skeptically.

.

.

"Are you really set on doing this tango?"

"Hn, you'll find I'm quite the dancer," gloated a male one chidely.

"…You really wanna go? Like _Go Go Gadget_? Go?"

"How do you even? . .Never mind, Celty san..are you stalling?"

"I gotta be sure your certain about this Iz. What about your job?"

"Celty…"

"I mean you have heard the saying, 'Grass isn't always greener on the other side' right, pretty sure that completely applies to this."

"…."

"I'm just saying Valhalla is not like Hawaii, it's a one way vacation & the hotels aren't exactly made to match the Ritz, pal."

"Hee. Hee, now I know Celty san is stallin…"

"Look I gotta be sure your clear about this Bik!"

"Bik? Huh..? Just how many nick names do you hav…"

"I mean you really really really really want to go to Valhalla?"

"Celty san! I am completely absolutely committed to reaching Valhalla."

.

.

"Er. (Sigh) Okay well first there are some necessary steps you have to take." Dramatic pause, "Number 1. You must grow a beard."

"A beard?"

"Yup."

"Very well."

"Second you must sacrifice five hundred sheep,"

"Hmm.. that might be a little challenging but doable,"

"Good cause then you must dance around the land 30 times while singing, ' Kumbayah while wearing a hula skirt."

.

.

.

.

"Excuse me I must have misheard…a hula skirt, Celty san?"

"A hula skirt or bust man."

"…."

"You could try a kilt."

"Ha!… Your making this up aren't you?"

"Oh No sir. That's completely vital. If you don't wear one you could end up in Narnia or worse Oz." replied Kanra as seriously as she could, "Now, I hope you like opera, because that's all the Valkyries speak in, and how do you feel about inhaling leagues upon leagues of week old goat milk?"

" …Ne, Celty san ?"

"Yes?" replied Kanra innocence personified.

"Are not Dullahan's fallen Valkyries?"

"Sure" she quickly answered while thinking, 'Nope.'

"Then why aren't you singing now?" Izaya smugly asked thinking he would catch her at her little game before he reached over to take a sip of his tea.

'Well that was an easy question to make up an answer for,' thought Kanra.

"I got fired. Jeesh, how do you think I ended up here?," she huffed pretending to be irritated over the imaginary scenario, 'Hollywood's got nothing on me,' she thought to herself proudly as Izaya seemed to choke a little on his tea, before he regained his dignity, seeming a little put out. The tiniest twitch of his left eye could be seen as the only sign of his slight exasperation.

'It appears Celty's Head is a little trickier in nature then the rest of Celty,' he thought to himself as he took in the all but 'gloating' head hopping along his table like some weirdly shaped happy little bunny.

He found a portion of his brain, constantly registering the word 'oddly cute', but quickly shoved that thought away. Everything he had read on fairies pointed to them being tricky and deadly. So far Celty's head albeit, ' surprisingly engaging', was living up to at least one of those labeled traits.

'Which means that the other's are quite possible,' he thought as he unnoticed by the head narrowed his eyes in shrewd calculation. He would have to be cautious with his words, already the head had rattled him twice today, 'It would be nice to avoid such 'human emotions' again', thought the informant, but even as he planned to stay vigilant.

A _spark of something odd_ _twisted deep_ in his _gut_ as he watched the pretty little head wiggle within reach for her straw and sip her tea, unconsciously humming to herself in satisfaction. Beautiful aqua eyes alit with an inner _'golden' light_ gazed cheerfully around the room, that super soft red hair of hers glinting in the light bouncing and swaying right along with her. The _knot inside him stung_ , as once again he felt a _strange flare_ of _heated energy swell_ up inside him like some frisky balloon for the third, fourth? He was losing track of how many times this….this _'spark'_ for lack of a better word was stirring tonight and it had only been what two hours since the head had first screamed it's awareness to the world? Those aqua orbs peeked over at him again as she continued to sip more tea from her straw, but it was that inner _iris golden_ shifting shimmer that ringed her pupils which kept making Izaya feel the need to squirm?

' _It's…Her.. eyes are so…so enchanting,' he thought, hand shaking as he took another sip out of his own cup. Those gold ringed pupils were watching him again. A heated 'spark' pooled inside him, pushing him to move closer to the head, as if something was being called from some deep place within him to her? Something hot and spicy making his fingers tingle. . like…like…?!_

 _ **!**_

' **What the hell** _?!_ Get a hold of yourself ! _'_ he thought in vexation suddenly frightened as he fought off the sudden alien instincts and another more 'ghastly primitive' one, 'I have to be more careful! For all I know it could be using some sort of _glamour_ or _fairie magic_ to seduce me!,' he surmised as his brain did everything it could to turn off what had nearly become a serious mistake in regards to the 'nether' regions of his pants. How he had even allowed, brief as it was, his body to even minutely start behaving in such a pathetic human way was unforgivable! If not appallingly embarrassing!

Especially now when his best chance for an immortal life was finally awake! He ignored the slight sense of humiliation he felt. Valhalla was now closer then ever to being within his grasp. He just had to get the Dullahan's Head to see him for what he truly was. A God!

'AH! That's it!' his mind screeched as the light-bulb above his skull flicked on, his brilliant brain coming to rapid conclusions, 'It's using it's cuteness & feminine appearance just like a Siren or a Harpy to prove my weak mortal limitations and to distract me from getting it to answer my questions! It's testing me for my humanity!' he joyfully thought, 'This means I have a chance! Why else would it bother testing me?'

Excitement flared in Izaya, he could practically taste his dream of impending Godhood made real. Suddenly he had to try very hard to keep his body still, when all he really wanted to do in that moment was pick up the head and start dancing happily around the room with it.

For her part Kanra Hisikawa aka: The last Witch stuck in the Dullahan's Head, was just happy to be clean and sipping the green tea she had been offered via straw. She wondered to herself how that was actually working? Technically. She was just inside a head right now? So…where was the tea going that she was drinking? It was going in her mouth and down the little half of neck that she was currently possessing but from there…? Well, it wasn't forming a puddle underneath her on the table? Yep. The table was dry she could feel that so the tea had to be going somewhere?

Was it going to her own body perhaps? Or….was it going to the rest of Celty's?

Who was going to have to pee once it went through the digestion system?

If it even was going through a digestion system?

A flash of her own body stuck covered in it's own thilth somewhere while she wasn't present to clean herself, seriously upset her, but she doubted Izaya noticed. The man was lost in Valhalla la la land, and judging by the dopey grin he was unconciously sporting wasn't coming back home anytime soon. Absently she noticed he was also blushing?

Weird. Sometimes Izzy was just weird.

Back to the issue of eating food as just a head, 'Hey..wait a second? Now that I think about it, where did all that vomit I through up earlier come from? I mean chunks of…oh gosh I better not think any more about that!' though Kanra to herself as her borrowed face turned a shade of green just in recollection, 'Yeah definitely better not think about that,' she confirmed to herself.

Noticing the shifting pallor of his unexpected house-guest, Izaya Orihara decided not to comment on it, but instead to continue pressing the head for details, if it was feeling queasy then maybe that meant he was closer to getting the head to spilling it's secrets then he thought! 'Things are going well' he thought as he offered to poor the Celty-san more tea.

"More tea my dear?" he said.

Uuuuh.. She really shouldn't have reminded herself about earlier! 'Bad idea!' Kanra's brain repeated as the nausea came back armed and ready.

'Hn? Oh um..(gulp). No..no thanks Izz," Kanra mananged to squeak out.

"Alrighty, then," responded Izaya as he elegantly sat himself back down across from the little now 'green-looking' head. Aqua _golden-lit_ eyes were looking a bit dull and a bit stressed as it seemed to be fighting another wave of…sickness?

 _Again the thing he had felt inside him just moments ago flared to life?_

He inaudibly swallowed, but forced himself to focus.

'Was the little head sick? It was just a head? How was it that it was even sick to begin with? It had been throwing up in the kitchen trashcan earlier hadn't it, but still? Hm. Odd as hell but maybe now wasn't the best time to be picking the _fairy_ for information,' Izaya wondered with a little _concern_ from whatever the hell that damn f _eeling_ was and more than a dash of disbelief. As he observed the head wiggle a smidge in obvious discomfort before it seemed to make a determined effort to have another small sip of it's tea. The green pallor of it's skin slowly fading and leaving nothing but the _beautiful_ pale complexion he was more familiar with as it seemed to regain control of itself?

'There is so much I don't know about this thing?' Izaya realized. Sure he had spent hours reading up on Norse, Welsh, Celtic, and European mythology at large but what did he really know? What did even the blasted authors of all his books themselves know? Many of the authors he knew had based or written down only what they themselves had read or had heard. In all his books only four of them held what could be considered eye witness accounts and the accounts themselves were either too vague to take seriously or unrelated to fairies at all! Most of them dealt with much to Izaya's annoyance wizards and witches above all things!

 _Witches._

Once upon a time when Izaya had been back in grade school he would have scoffed at the idea of such a thing. However, he had grown a long way since his early childhood and all it's bitter disappointments. To denounce _witches_ seemed utterly foolish, especially considering he was drinking tea with a _fairy_ currently. Still as he watched the little head and heard Namie come in to join them, he couldn't help but ponder those so-called _Magical Humans?_

' _Would I love them as I do all my other precious humans? Could I love them? Do they even count as human? Or would they have to be put in the same place as Shizu-chan? They are often depicted as evil incarnate hm. I wonder,'_ Izaya ruminated as he felt another strange tug and a sudden urge from _something_ deep within him _call_ him back towards the head on the table? Almost without even noticing his own lack of control he found himself locking eyes with the Dullahan's own aqua ones, and then for a brief second Izaya felt… ?

 _Like he was falling, flying, burning, twisting, groping, clawing, freezing, like he needed to run, to swim, to fight, to cry, to go somewhere important, was he on fire? Oh Kami he felt inflamed by golden light and a need unlike any other consumed him, kami he desperately deeply yearned for something, no someone, yes oh yes, someone needed him, like water, like air. Vital. So, so much. Needed him so very much, burned for him, longed for him, him to hug them and him to hold them and to kiss them and to touch them, to make lots of love to them over and over and..!_

" _SNAP OUT OF IT!"_ Izaya shouted at the top of his lungs his face blood red as the two females stared at him in honest to god shock, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Screamed the suddenly out of nowhere very flustered and sexually repressed frustrated young male!

Kanra and Namie shared a glance with each other.

About five minutes ago, Kanra had managed to get the nauseous feeling to subside and found herself once again enjoying the relative freedom of not having to hide the fact that she was awake. When Namie finally decided to join them, she immediately noticed the hostile air and the negative energy surrounding the other woman and couldn't help in her mind sighing to herself. Good grief. 'Don't tell me she's already thinking I'm out to get her brother?' thought Kanra as she decided to try to make small talk with the only other female present, "So Namie-san this is great tea thanks a bunch!"

"Hn. Your welcome," replied Namie coldly.

"You must be asked to make tea all the time! It's so delicious!" cheered Kanra with all the rays of sunshine available.

"Hn. Not usually," replied cold front Namie.

"Well will just have to change that Namie san! Your tea is superb! The world should know" went the Capital of Florida, intrepid as ever.

"I would prefer to keep things as is," stated the looming iceberg.

"Awe, but why hide such a wonderful talent! It'll be fun! Why I bet plenty of people would like to share a cup with us and just think of all the fun we two could have in preparing and going to the market! Betcha with the two of us working together we could brew the best herbal tea around town and I know some ingredients we could find in the woods nearby that would give it just the magical kick needed to really zing the public," bubbled and gushed the happy little marshmallow warmly before a frosty icy glare with all the pent up mistrust of the last ice age came down upon it.

"I. Think. Not," said a voice that froze Mammoths.

…

.

.

'Cold Namie-san,' thought Kanra with a little sweat drop on a borrowed brow, 'Just cold.'

Right then, it looked like Namie did indeed suspect her of trying to A. Take her brother away from her and B. Get in her brother's pants which sadly C. Kanra had absolutely no interest in whatsoever and really Namie shouldn't either!

Oh. Lord. Feeling very misunderstood and just a tad dejected Kanra glanced over at Izaya. The handsome lithe crazy was sitting in his seat like the cat that had gotten the damn cream and seemed to be once again lost within his own thoughts when those two beautiful ruby eyes of his met Kanra and, 'oh shitten spells,' she thought.

 _She felt a sudden rush, a sudden ache, and a song of stars and moons start to play in her head, and all she wanted to do was get her broom and go flying, let her magic run wild….!_

Kanra turned her eyes away from him faster then Greece lightning!

'Shitten spells,' she thought again. Ever since their eyes had met for the first time Kanra had been feeling a certain _spark_ around Izaya but she refused to call it what it was, if it was, and furthermore she had more important priorities, such as, finding her body!

This being just a head business was getting old!

"So, Namie-san do you want to go to Valhalla too?" asked Kanra genuinely curious, about what the other woman's opinion on that idea might be. Also it would help her prepare for the worst case scenario because Kanra was pretty sure once Izz found out Valhalla didn't actually exist that there would be hell to pay. The man had started and all out gang war and had the maturity level of a toddler. Shit would hit the fan pretty fast if and when he found out the truth, and Kanra knew him and knew the idiot well.

He'd come after her with knives a throwing!

….

So it would be good if Namie didn't have similar aspirations because then maybe she could get the woman on her side? After of course clearing up the whole brother- in love with a head issue.

.

.

"I don't particular care. Life is what it is and I was born mortal. It's what I know. However," stated Namie before a calm predatory grin spread across her face, eyes glancing maliciously at Izaya's location with just a tint of rivalry, "If you find that I am a worthy candidate for a place amongst goddesses then who am I to turn down such a rare and valuable offer? Eh **Celty-chaaannn**."

Oh Mother Medea and Aunt Medusa thrice removed this was bad!

Gandalf and Merlin's beard tied in a knot they both want to be immortal! Leaping Lizards and Brooms Blazing!

"I see," said Kanra trying her best to mimic Buddhist monks, "Ookay, boy guess I have my work cut out for me! Two wannabe deities plus two tickets to Valhalla. Wow that's a tall order so…then Namie are you absolutely sure?"

Thus began the cycle of another round of what Kanra decided to call: Necessary Dissuading Questions or NDQ for short. Granting her much needed as yes Izaya guessed it, stalling time for her to come up with a real legitimate plan out of this mess? Hm. They weren't stupid, actually much as Kanra hated to admit it, both Namie and Izaya could probably run circles around her IQ in a marathon. After all, just because she was 200 or so years old did not necessarily mean she had somehow maintained a world's worth of wisdom in her noggin. Longevity did not equal Ingenuity, and there was her wise advice for the day!

Back to the matter at hand, could she use these two? So far neither Namie nor Izzy seemed to have figured out that she wasn't really Celty-san which perhaps shouldn't have surprised her but really they knew Celty or at least Celty's body!? Heck even hidden behind a bookcase Kanra had come to know Celty and Celty and Kanra were frankly nothing alike! Sure they were both kind to animals, both liked bikes, and both were of the magical mystical population outside humanity!

That didn't mean they were the same blasted person!

'People really don't pay close enough attention to the details,' thought Kanra in exasperation, 'I would of at least expected Iz to have noticed? Gee he's sure being awfully quiet over there….'

"So Celty-san" said Namie smoothly cutting into Kanra's train of thought, "Yes?" responded Kanra.

"I could not help but notice that earlier when you first spoke you mentioned that you had been in the 'Trashcan' before and you seem to know both Izaya and my name quite well. Could it be that you have been awake observing us longer then this evening?" Namie asked with all the gentleness of a cat about to pounce.

'Why is it that crazy people also have to be so damn smart!' thought Kanra in frustration, denying it would be pointless, that little secret went out the door when she called Izz a nudist. She sighed.

"Guess I aughta come clean, in truth Namie I've been awake for the last.."

"

" _SN_ _ **AP OUT OF IT!"**_ Izaya shouted at the top of his lungs!

'Shitten Spells! He's having a bloody breakdown!' thought Kanra with a start!

" **WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"** went the madman staring right at her arms going all akimbo, face beet red!

Kanra was at a loss for words! She looked at Namie for answers! Namie looked at her for the same! Five seconds and both woman looked back at the floundering flailing handsome young man who was all but sputtering profanities before he literally ran away up the stairs to his bathroom!?

"What the hell?" said Kanra turning back to Namie slowly eyes wide in shock, "He's gone bonkers!"

Namie tried and failed not to let out a huff of a laugh, but mortal enemy or not, the head was right, "Ha. Hee. Ahem. Yes, well as I'm sure you've noticed there has always been a bit of a screw or two loose with Orihara. Really I'm just surprised his degradation took so long to start, particularly now of all times. Then again perhaps not, after all you had him quite _bewitched_ just now? Tell me how do you ensnare and enslave men to you in such a way?"

What?

"I beg your pardon?" Kanra stated in absolute confusion.

"Come now, don't be coy, you're a fairy aren't you? Isn't that what some of your kind do? Capture unsuspecting men's hearts and make them fall in love with you until you have your fill of seducing them?" accused Namie coldly as she slammed her teacup down on the table with conviction.

Of all the rude, presumptuous, scandalous! Even if she wasn't really a fairy that kind of allegation was uncalled for!

"How dare you say, that! Why I never!? I will have you know right now once and for all that all _magical species_ save the harpy's take love very seriously! Especially ME, in this day and age thank you very much!" Kanra said with as much righteous indignation as she could!

The nerve of the crazy brother-loving nut!

"Oh really?" began Namie sarcastically, "You expect me to believe that? After what I just saw happen with Izaya, not too mention my Uncle or my beloved Seiji!"

"Your Uncle? When the blazing brooms did your Uncle ever come here?" squawked Kanra, "And for the record I don't give one flying fig about Seiji! I thought you hooked him up with some creepy ass talker chick who belongs in a mental institution?"

"AHA! SO YOU ADMIT TO WANTING MY BROTHER!"

"I! Wait, WHAT? I just said I DIDN'T! AS IN I DO NOT want your brother!"

"SO IT WOULD APPEAR BUT YOU INSINUATED THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND BELONGS LOCKED AWAY IN AN ASYLUM MEANING THAT YOU WANT TO REMOVE HER FROM THE EQUASION SO THAT YOU CAN PUT YOURSELF IN HIS BED! I SEE YOUR TWISTED MIND NOW CONFESS! CONFESS YOU SCHEMING SEDUCING WAYS BODILESS WENCH!"

"Namie I will turn you into a frog, if your not careful."

"GO AHEAD! USE YOUR MAGIC ON ME! MY LOVE FOR SEIJI IS ETERNAL & TRUE! CURSE ME! CRUSH ME! I WILL NOT STAND ASIDE AND LET YOU HAVE HIM! EVEN AS A TOAD I WILL FIND A WAY TO STOP YOU! SEIJI I LOVE YOU!"

"OH For _High Powers_ sake." Groaned Kanra. If she had a hand she would have slapped her forehead, "Namie your completely hopeless."

"I WILL CARVE MY WAY THROUGH ANY TRIAL FOR MY LOVE OF SEIJI BURNS BRIGHTER THEN ANY…"

Hi. Houston. Remember me?

Yeah about those Martians, apparently one of them is from Venus.

No sir, I'm afraid we tried to explain to it the situation, and no it does not recognize plain honest Japanese.

It's suffering from serious delusions, what should we do?

Houston, are you there?

"Ugh. Namie listen!" shouted Kanra but to no avail as she wiggled dramatically only to fall over onto her side, ear pressed against hardwood. Great now everything was on it's side and Namie's love professions were going strong. What time was it? 11:24 pm geez they had been up longer then she thought? No wonder she was starting to get mildly cranky.

"SO LET THAT BE YOUR WARNING! AFTER TONIGHT! WE ARE MORTAL ENEMIES! GOT IT!" barked Namie, throwing all her plans of secret plotting to the wind! 'LET MY ENEMY KNOW!' she thought boldly!

Kanra glanced up from her vertically challenged position, seriously she felt like a blasted upside down turtle, "Namie-san, I know this is hard to believe, but you really need to listen. I sincerely from the very _spell casting_ depths of my star glass heart want nothing and I mean NOTHING to do with your brother! It would NEVER and I MEAN NEVER WORK!" Kanra finished with a huff.

Silence filled the air as the two females locked eyes.

A door opened and quiet footfalls could be heard as the third occupant of the apartment returned to his living room.

A lost, almost vulnerable look passed over Namie's face before the woman crossed her arms, and then turned her back on the Dullahan's head lying sideways on the table, 'It couldn't be true?' thought Namie with her back turned to hide the confused muddled face she now sported, 'It has to be lying! It's trying to win me over? Fool me? I can't trust it. So why does it sound and look so honest? Damn. Seiji what should I do?'

"Hm. As lovely as it has been listening to you two females shout or in Namie's case scream over your love lives, I'm afraid it's getting late and I think we all might do with a good night's sleep? Ne," came the smooth tone of one Izaya Orihara.

"Sounds good to me," said Kanra honestly feeling a little drained, this was the longest conversation she'd had in over a year.

"Fine then," said Namie as she walked over to pack her things. It was best that she left now, she had to think, about what her next move would be.

"Good, Celty-san do you think a pillow and the sofa would do for you?" asked Izaya the complete picture of civility.

"Works for me!" replied Kanra!

"Wonderful. So will all get a good night's rest and then in the morning will pick up where we left off," stated Izaya.

"Left off?" asked Kanra as Namie made her way to the door.

"Why Valhalla of course, Celty-san," answered Izaya firmly as he fluffed a pillow for the head, before he picked her up and plopped her onto his couch.

"Oh right. Valhalla Yup. Got it," squeaked Kanra as Izaya leaned over her, for a split second, as he adjusted the pillow behind her. His ruby eyes catching hers for the briefest of seconds before he seemed to shiver then getting up and away from her he walked over to the light switch of the room and said, "Remember Celty, Valhalla in the morning alright?"

The lights of the apartment turned off, "Sure thing," said Kanra.

"Promise?" came the soft lilt of Izaya's voice.

"It's a deal," mumbled Kanra before she fell fast asleep.

Never knowing how confused ruby eyes had simply watched her in the dark for a whole two hours more, trapped between fear, fixation and wonder.

So that was it.

That was the first time they spoke to each other.

That was their first deal.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((^-_-^))End of Ch. 2-

 **Second Disclaimer: So yeah I did not fully proof read or re-read this after I finished typing it! I apologize for the lousy chapter! If it drags or doesn't make any sense or is just bad I will try to fix it later! I just really wanted to update this ficlet and this chapter seemed at a risk of becoming a metaphorical roadblock so I cranked it out of me! Hopefully it's gets a laugh or two. This fic isn't meant to be taken too seriously and as always thank you to anyone who reads it or any of my stuff! I love and I love all of you! Thanks and Goodnight!**

 **-Sincerely Stella Limegood.**


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